Open Letter to Shrub

Let me be perfectly clear here. You very obviously have no idea what is going on in the world. Nor do you have the mental acuity to heed even the other idiots who are closest to you and will soon call for our disengagement from this fools errand in Iraq.

Mr Shrub, how is Iraq like Vietnam? We'll win unless we quit? You said that last week, and I'm still puzzled. It sounds like something my god damn track couch spouted on the practice field. No blood or death there, just pride. Not so in war, you jackass. Comments like this allow even the most dimwitted of us to see you for what you are. Your callous disregard for life, Iraqi and yes, American, can only be treachery - the high crimes and misdemeanors worthy of a House impeachment. That impeachment will not be forthcoming, but one will. You will be impeached in the court of public opinion and found guilty by the jury of history; an offense not easily pardoned by a future Republican president.

Since you seem incapable of reason on the simplest plane of normal human existence, perhaps thru art you can be persuaded. A recent pop movie smash hit was titled Spiderman. I know you saw it, it doesn't take a whackjob like you to fantasize over Kirsten Dunst. Most of the movie was monosyllabic enough for you to understand it. You may have missed something very poignant however, since it didn't involve all that much action. At this one point in the movie, the one I'm sure you missed, Peter Parker's uncle tells him that "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility." You should think long and hard about this, and what it could mean - how could it apply to you?

If you're grinning in answer to this query, thinking that you are soon to be in Kirsten's pants with Laura none the wiser, then I applaud your myopic tunnel vision. Or perhaps I will paint you a grimmer picture Mr Shrub, one without a young aspiring actress draped over your knee. Parker, you see, is America. He has great power, he is a 'superhero'. America too has power, it is a 'superpower'. Thus, a metaphor. Get it? Now for the hard stuff, the power and responsibility part. You are the illegitimate leader of America. Illegitimate as you may be, you are still the leader. Now take the next step. I know you can't do it, so I'll help: America has great power, and you lead America. Thus, you have great responsibility. And as my final gesture of good will I will tell you that responsibility is the sense in which one is responsible for achieving (or maintaining) a good result in some matter. The idea, Shrub, is that one is entrusted with achieving or maintaining this outcome, and expected to both have relevant knowledge and skills, and to make a conscientious effort.

We somehow have entrusted you ma'am. And through lies, deceit, idiocy and cowardice you have neglected your responsibility, you have neither achieved nor maintained anything good. On these grounds and those outlined above I call for your impeachment and removal from office and ask the God that you so often call on to take heavenly mercy on your twisted soul.