Hookers and Tramps

Is there anything better than a lovely French hooker? If there is, I've yet to know of it.

So, all Visco's talk of hookers has required of me a blog post. I was up in Baxter Park for 3 days this week. It's been a long time since I was up there, being out west and all, and I missed it. But not much has changed, which of course was Percival Baxter's intention. The mountain is still rugged, the water is still clean, and cell phones aren't to be used. I can attest to the fact that his vision is being well executed by the park authority. If only other pieces of the state government could work so well. Donnie Rumsfeld is war criminal. But I digress.

On the way out of the park I'm cruising thru East Millinockett heading for the highway. I see someone hitchhiking on the side of the road, scandalously close to La Casa, northern Maine's home of the finest in adult entertainment. (I'm not sure if anyone who speaks spanish has ever even been in the town, but whatever.) As I slow down (I pick up hitchers quite often) I do a quick scan of the girl. Yup, she is a stripper. For sure. Not a doubt. The long length denim skirt has a front and a back. But they're not attached. At all. Tight T-shirt, no bra. Underwear? Unlikely. Big duffel bag of, well, whatever strippers have big duffel bags of.

In hops "Delilah," doesn't think twice about riding with two dudes who smell like roses and just took showers 5 minutes ago. "Where you headed?" "Bangor." "OK." So were off, and poor Mike thinks maybe the time in the mountains has effected my brain. I'm thinking that at least it's a story, because what's life without a story. Turns out that "Delilah" isn't much of a chatter ... I've always had a lot of questions to ask a stripper from northern Maine. How's the money? How many people have you banged as a result of your stage job? Does being a stripper make you a whore, or the other way 'round? Woe is me, but I will have to wait a while longer to know the answers to these questions.

The other question on everybody's mind was whether or not she was, in fact, a hooker. Sorry Visco, she clearly wasn't French. So, if she was a hooker would she have propositioned us during the ride? (She didn't.) Or maybe she is a hooker, but just wasn't working that morning. It's hard to know.

Ahhh, life.

Football Blues

So US soccer sucks again. That's fine ... we just need to get one of these two guys on our team. Plus I love that a bald guy can kick so much ass.

Genghis Bush

"I am the Decider."

What is that, a new Marvel superhero?

[The above is a QuickTime movie of our beloved W. getting his man on.]



Also, see my new favorite site on the internet.

Not So Boring After All

Who would have known, the US v. Italy match on Saturday is being called the most exciting of the World Cup thus far. Of course, I don't have any delusions about soccer replacing Baseball as America's pastime. Nor would I desire or commend that. But I'm pretty sick of soccer being downplayed as a worthless sport and all this. It's not fun to watch. It's too slow. Not enough goal scoring. Condosleeza Rice is an alien freak. I keep hearing it everywhere.

Well, how about this. Basketball and football suck because they have TV time outs. The money-making advertisements are more important than the game are they? Not to me. And they try to hide it too ... the ticker that says "Timeouts - Boston: 2 , Lakers: 1" doesn't make any mention of the goddamn 12 automatic stoppages the ref will whistle so that we can all be indoctrinated to buy gatoraid and coke.

I won't even get into the last 2 minutes of a close basketball game taking 20 minutes to play. When cheating (fouling) becomes the most important aspect of play then you've got one hell of a lame sport.

Then there's soccer, even the lowly MLS, showing all games in their entirety and uncut/uncluttered by TV breaks. How's that for refreshing?

Colin Powell Goes Back to the UN

The Good Work

Vedder for President

So I got ahold of the new Pearl Jam [self titled] disc recently, and have finally had a chance to give it a good listen. Actually, it usually takes twice thru an album for me to make up my mind. By the second time thru I usually know what's up with it. Don't kid yourself though, you really do need to put it into your ears in its entirety; the flow is important. (See my future blog about why greatest hits CD's suck.)

Anyway, I did. And Pearl Jam turned out to kick some ass. And it reminded me that I've been thinking for a while that a rock star, ala Eddie Vedder or Bruce Springsteen, should really be our next president. I would vote for that guy from Chicago before Hillary Clinton, who the hell wouldn't vote for Vedder? And PJ could just throw a tour to raise money - stadiums would be packed, Eddie could give a bit of speach, and then play some music. A political rally and concert combined, kinda like it used to be when music didn't suck, musicians were outspoken, and young people still cared.

JR's Index

Rank of 'curse' in the list of things to do when it rains: 1

Least pleasant vehicle to drive to South Bristol from Starks in the rain: motorcycle

Number of days it has rained this since Sunday: 4

Number of those that John has cursed: 4

Ratio of number of days that it rained sicne Sunday to George Bush's brain cells: 1:1

Best bumper sticker John saw on Monday: What would Jesus Bomb?

Price per barrel, in Dollars, of the oil that Hugo Chavez has offered to sell the US: 50

Number of barrels that the US has bought at that price: 0

New tools purchased recently: air compressor

Number of tanks of gas John can put in his truck for the price of the compressor: 2

Amount of time the compressor will last: a lot more than 800 miles of driving

Total Information Awhatness?

Total Information Awareness is supposedly the database that the government wants to/already has setup to keep tabs on, well, everything. Laura Bush is really ugly. My question is really quite simple.

Where the hell is the CIA / NSA getting all these crack programmers? Generally, the best and the brightest are harvested by private business because of bigger pay checks. Goody knows, I have it on good authority they he was recruited heavily out of UMaine to become one of the evil minions. Hillary Clinton's face is god's idea of a not-that-funny joke.

So, I'm listening to iTunes in the background now, and let me tell you ... pretty ok program. But not great. Seriously, maybe the Mac version is perfect, that is unknown to me. But the Windows version is pretty messed up when it comes to some pretty basic issues.

For instance, when you're deleting files (especially podcasts) iTunes asks if you want to keep the file or move it to the recycle bin. (No, i want to keep it, you stupid bitch?) Sometimes iTunes doesn't listen and I find the file i supposedly deleted floating around my HD anyway, god damn it. You can also check a box that says "always do this action". That check box doesn't work, it asks me freakin' every time.

Also, you can't manage files in either the party shuffle or any playlists. Say i want to delete a song i just heard in the shuffle because it sucks donkey cock like GWB does. Can't. Have to go into the library, search for the fucker, and delete it from there. Also, deleting files is called "Clear," get with the fucking program Apple. Delete is called delete, unless it's called erase.

I'm done now, but Billy Goat Gates' Windows Media Player is a rickety piece of baboon ass too.

Which leads me to: Microsoft and Apple, on the cutting edge of computing (and with deep pockets) can't even make a program for Total Music Awareness. How the fuck is the gov't producing Total Information Awareness?

I can imagine an interface that doesn't actually do anything, consists of colored circles and squares, and spits out garbage like a mad-lib or potato-head kid of words. Clearly, W. or Condasleeza can't write an ODBC query.

5th season, 6th sense

Well, damn it, I'm dry. All my blood is gone. Sucked out by the black flies that inhabit this peninsula. Why did I move back here? Again? I don't know. What I do know, however, is that the corn that I planted today better taste fucking great. Like blow your mind, better than sex (in prison) great.

Bugs don't like me. It's not that I don't get bitten, just that I get bitten less. Some people might remember Visco's camp, me and Luis the crazy Spaniard on the dock. His back awash in a bloody torrent, me calm and collected and black fly free.

OK, so maybe I made that up. Or maybe anyone next to a Spaniard is safe. I don't know. What I do know is that today was bad for bugs, as bad as I've ever seen it. And I'm not excited about it.

All I want to do is make them all pay. With their lives. Thus my desire for a sixth sense, no more of this clotted blood to find out (too late) that some fly chowed on your flesh. I want to know, in advance, where they will land and take W-like preemptive action. Do them in, smash them, pound them. Maybe even torture them a bit. That would be nice.